April Fools was the 25th episode and the season finale for the eighth season of the CBS-TV series M*A*S*H, also the 198th overall series episode, Written by Sheldon Bull and directed by Charles S. Dubin, it originally aired on March 24, 1980.
Plot Synopsis[]
Just in time for April Fools day, a hardened no-nonsense officer from the Surgeon General's office pays a visit to observe the camp in action.
Full episode summary[]
It's almost April Fool's Day, and Hawkeye, B.J. and Charles are getting into the spirit by pulling some small but effective practical jokes; Hawkeye and B.J. prank Charles with a fake can of pralines filled with spring-loaded snakes, while Charles punks Margaret with a bunch of dead minnows in the pocket of her uniform shirt. Potter looks down his nose at their hijinks, claiming to have seen it all, but he is willing to look the other way as long as they don't make him a part of it. (He walks out of the dressing room unknowingly brandishing a raccoon tail on the back side of his own uniform shirt)
The next morning, after Father Mulcahy storms in angrily protesting that someone replaced his bathrobe with a ladies frock while he was in the shower, Klinger shows Potter a TWX message from the Surgeon General's office. Potter flips into a panic when he learns that the 4077th is about to be visited by a Colonel Daniel Webster Tucker, referred to by Potter as "Lord High Executioner of the Surgeon General's office". He orders Klinger to wake the surgeons for a big meeting in Potter's office. As Hawkeye gets up and gets dressed he discovers that somebody slipped oatmeal into one of his boots; his suspicions are aroused when Klinger mentions that Margaret was around earlier.
At the meeting, Potter goes into more detail about Tucker, saying he "picks his teeth with a rusty nail", and then gives the staff a direct order banning all pranks while Tucker is here; in other words, "I'm giving your hijinks the heave-ho, post haste!" Hawkeye, meanwhile, is still het-up on getting back at Margaret, who claims to have no idea what he's talking about. Potter sends them on their way, ordering them to "check your joy buzzers at the door!" After they walk out, Hawkeye is still wanting to get back at Margaret before Tucker arrives, but when B.J. and Charles remind him of Potter's order, Hawkeye reminds them of the pranks Margaret pulled on them (she wrote "Kilroy was here" on Charles' forehead, and put tabasco sauce in B.J.'s mouthwash), and B.J. decides that they'll pull "Just one more" prank.
Klinger goes to talk to Rizzo, saying he will need his help in the OR; Klinger remarks on how Rizzo can take the situation they're in, but Rizzo tells him that his secret is to act like you don't want to do something, and you can do whatever you want to do. Klinger reads it as "reverse psychology", and decides he is going to pull a scam where he'll act like the perfect soldier, and then flip to full-on crazy, hoping that will finally earn him a Section Eight.
That night, Margaret goes back to her tent only to find that the tent itself is missing, while everything inside her tent is undisturbed. She runs to the Swamp to protest, and screams when she finds a skeleton hiding under the covers on Hawkeye's cot. The Swamp rats laugh in delight, and a huge pillow fight breaks out in the compound, feathers flying and all... just as Colonel Tucker arrives in camp, and he quickly proves to be everything Potter warned them he would be- hard-nosed and humorless. Potter runs out and is berated by Tucker, who says "Don't you have one competent person here??", which is when Klinger, in his dress uniform, arrives and acts like the perfect G.I. He tells an impressed Tucker that he has the V.I.P. tent all set up for him and escorts him there. Potter then reads the riot act to the medical staff before noticing that Margaret's tent is gone.
The next day during surgery, Tucker is still holding last night over their heads, and has nothing but criticism for the medical staff, taunting them when they protest his lack of respect for their efforts; B.J. compliments Charles on his procedure, and when Charles asks Tucker if he agrees, Tucker only replies, "What do you want? A medal?" Later in Post Op, Tucker is about to examine one of Hawkeye's patients; thinking that he is second-guessing him, Hawkeye is about to go off on Tucker. B.J., Charles and Margaret all join Hawkeye but when Margaret tries to back up Tucker's words he growls that he doesn't need a woman's support, which deeply offends her. They step outside for a private confrontation, and Tucker puts them all on report, and then reveals that he plans to bar them all from medical service, sinisterly adding:
"If I have my way, you'll all be court-martialed, and since I'm the man who makes those decisions, I always get my way. Lemme see ya laugh THAT one off, gang..."
He then walks to the Officers Club, leaving the four in stunned silence.
The next morning, Tucker walks into the orderly room and finds that Klinger is now dressed as Cleopatra. Tucker is mortified that "The only good man here" has been broken by the 4077th. Potter can't believe Tucker is falling for Klinger's antics, and they go off to Potter's office to argue about it. Meanwhile, in the Swamp, Hawkeye decides that since they have nothing left to lose they might as well go out in "a blaze of glory"; in other words, pull one big, giant prank on Tucker himself to "let the crime fit the punishment". B.J. and Margaret are in immediate agreement, but Charles initially puts down the childish suggestion, but then adroitly adds, "When do we nail the swine?"
That night in the Officers Club, the four set things up leaving one table open for Potter and Tucker when they walk in. B.J. calls Potter over for a short talk while Tucker sits down at the table and asks for his trademark "shot and a beer", but Goldman only brings a shot, causing Tucker to angrily roar, "Where's my beer??", to which Hawkeye replies "Beer's on you, Colonel!", and then pulls on a rope which dumps a whole bucket of beer on Tucker's head causing everyone else to laugh hysterically while Potter glares viciously at Hawkeye. Tucker stands up and furiously yells, "Nobody does that to Daniel Webster Tucke--" right before he collapses onto the bar. Margaret wonders what's wrong, and Potter shouts that it's Tucker's heart as they lay him out on the floor. Hawkeye offers to help, but Potter angrily pushes him away roaring, "Haven't you done enough?!" The others shift into high gear to help out as Tucker weakly asks for Hawkeye; he kneels down next to Tucker to listen to him say:
"Just one thing... April fool."
Tucker and Potter both break out in their own hysterical laughter, and Tucker jumps back to his feet as Hawkeye and the others all stand there dumbfounded. Potter triumphantly shouts, "I got all of you April Fools! I even got that hairy cuckoo (Klinger)! If he thinks he's got his Section Eight, he's really crazy!" It finally sinks in for the surgeons and Margaret that Potter and Tucker had magnificently put one over on all of them; the two had planned their prank weeks earlier, with Potter knowing that if Tucker pushed them hard enough they would pull a stunt like they did, adding "You went for it like a school of hungry carp!" Hawkeye concedes defeat, proclaiming that, "We are in the presence of greatness!" The whole bar erupts in applause as Potter raises Tucker's arm in victory.
Epilogue[]
Later, still in the Officers Club, Potter and Tucker - who have been friends since WWI - talk about other pranks they've pulled, including some that didn't work, like slipping rubber hamburgers into a chow line, to which Tucker added that nobody knew the difference. Klinger walks in, duffel bag packed and still dressed as Cleopatra, asking when he and Tucker are leaving camp. Everyone else breaks up into laughter, prompting Klinger to ask, "What's so funny?"
Research notes/Fun facts[]
- Potterisms: This episode is packed with good ones:
- "Bushwa!"
- "Holy hemostat!"
- "What in the name of Marco Blessed Polo is going on here?"
- "peck of pips"
- "Where in the name of Carrie's corset is your tent?"
- "You look like a furry Claudette Colbert." (referring to Colbert's star appearance in 1934's Cleopatra.
- "You really didn't stand a snowball's chance in Guam."
- Reference to Guam: In Change of Command, Potter tells Hawkeye and B.J. that he served in Guam during WWII and kept a still there-which took place in the summer of 1944. Potter also claims to have been in the Battle of the Bulge in December 1944 - different armies and different theaters of war.
- If this had followed the timeline of the actual Korean War, this would be April 1953; the war ended three months later.
- When Father Mulcahy is the victim of a practical joke, Klinger can't help but make a wisecrack at his expense. Mulcahy responds with, "How'd you like to receive the Last Rites? And a few lefts?" while brandishing his right fist.
Guest stars/Recurring cast[]
- Pat Hingle as Colonel Daniel Webster Tucker
- G.W. Bailey as Luther Rizzo
- Roy Goldman as Bartender see Private Roy Goldman
- Jennifer Davis as Nurse