Colonel Chaffey is a U.S. Army senior officer who makes a one-time appearance in the Season 4 episode of M*A*S*H titled "The Gun". The part of Col. Chaffey was played by Warren Stevens.
About Colonel Chaffey[]
Colonel Chaffey arrives at the 4077th on board an ambulance in the middle of the night after his jeep had been run off the road by an American tank. During triage, Hawkeye mentions the possibility of a fractured skull as well as a fractured leg. The next day, Hawkeye and B.J. visit him in post-op. Chaffey, a nice enough person, first asks about his men and the doctors reassure him that they are all right "give or take a few fractures". The Colonel says he would like to show the doctors his appreciation and they joke that may be he can try to end the war a day or two sooner as they are not allowed to take cash, to which the Colonel replies that he will do his best.
As the doctors are leaving, he asks about a gun he was wearing, a Colt 45. B.J. assures him it is safe as Radar has taken it and locked it in the gun bin, and he passes the Colonel the receipt. It is clear that the gun is very valuable and important to him.
Later, Radar discovers that the gun is missing (because Frank has taken it). It falls on Potter to break the bad news to Chaffey. Chaffey is incensed. He demands to know the person in charge of the gun bin. On being told that it is Radar, he tells Potter, "I want him," or more precisely, "Not the whole corporal. Just his head on a platter!"
Radar is all upset that the gun is lost and how he might be punished severely for it. He goes to the Officers Club and gets himself drunk. He goes to confront Chaffey, bringing with his teddy bear along. He asks what the Colonel needs a gun like that anyway. Chaffey tells Radar he is drunk, whereupon Radar does one of his John Wayne impressions, "You better believe it, mister, or I'm dead where you stand," and he holds up his teddy bear and aims it at the Colonel. Just then a gun shot is heard. Frank has been secretly trying to return the gun to the bin and he has shot himself. But Radar doesn't know that - he thinks his bear went off!
The gun is safely returned to Chaffey. On his departure he shakes hands and apologizes to Radar saying he is glad the gun went off when Radar was there with him because it definitely proved his innocence. Potter gives him some good advice to get rid of the gun because it is a troublemaker - he would be better off giving it to a museum, but Chaffey doesn't agree, saying that he will keep it until he dies.
