Hepatitis is the 117th episode of M*A*S*H, and the 20th in the fifth season of the show, which originally aired on CBS-TV on February 8, 1977. It was both written and directed by Alan Alda.
Plot Synopsis[]
Father Mulcahy comes down with hepatitis, so Hawkeye needs to inoculate the reluctant staff while dealing with severe back pain.
Full episode summary[]
Father Mulcahy comes down with hepatitis, so the doctors snap into action to make sure it doesn't sweep through the camp. Col. Potter talks to the cook, B.J. tends to Father Mulcahy, and Hawkeye has to give everyone in camp a shot of gamma globulin, as well as getting a blood sample from each person.
That's a big enough job, but it's made more complicated by the fact that Hawkeye is having back trouble - the pain is getting worse and worse, leaving Hawkeye stooped over. First, he gives a shot to Frank (who is nothing but trouble, of course, first getting aggravated, then paranoid).
Next stop is Margaret, who is upset that her fiancé's mother is welcoming her into the family "but in a left-handed sort of way" with off-handed remarks about other Houlihans that worked for them. When Hawkeye goes to give her the shot, he drools over her exposed tush. This, understandably, enrages the Major, and she barks at Hawkeye for ogling her, demanding respect. Hawkeye, realizing he was out of line, apologizes, and suggest Margaret use the same attitude with her future mother-in-law.
Wounded arrive, and a soldier comes in with serious abdominal injuries. The doctors (minus Frank) consult over how to care for him, and Potter can't help but notice Hawkeye's bent-over posture. They decide B.J. should work on the soldier, since he has at least read about the necessary procedure, giving him more "experience" than the others. For some reason, Hawkeye decides to examine B.J. while he's scrubbing - and studying - in preparation for the surgery, which annoys B.J., so they agree to meet later in the Swamp for the exam.
Hawkeye visits Father Mulcahy with juice and a positive hepatitis report. While Hawkeye insists he needs rest, Father Mulcahy insists on carrying on with his religious duties. They work on a compromise (so the Father won't infect anyone).
Then he visits Klinger in the kitchen. Klinger keeps raging about how his mortal enemy, Sgt. Zale, insulted the Toledo Mud Hens, and how he drew 30 straight days of KP for punching Zale out. Hawkeye has to literally pin Klinger to a wall for his shot.
Hawkeye then visits Radar, who confides that he's been feeling insecure about how he's different than most of his other friends, who like to get drunk and consort with the various girls in town. Hawkeye gives him some wonderful, tender advice, telling him he takes "a little bit of Iowa with you wherever you go," and how one day, he'll meet the one special woman he's been waiting for his whole life. Radar is comforted, and thanks Hawkeye, only to have Hawkeye ask him to drop his pants.
Working from a textbook, B.J. pulls the soldier through, the surgery having gone flawlessly. Later, Hawkeye finds B.J. - still in need of a shot - celebrating in the Officers Club, drunk and giddy that he pulled off the operation. B.J. gets so tipsy he collapses over a table, so Hawkeye pulls his shorts down in front of everyone and gives B.J. the shot.
Hawkeye then goes to Col. Potter's to receive his own shot. They share a bottle of Scotch and fig newtons in the office, and Potter gives Hawkeye some advice about his back trouble: he believes Hawkeye is angry about news from home; a doctor back in Crabapple Cove is cleaning up, despite his average medical skills, because he has no real competition. Potter reminds Hawkeye that he only really has to worry about competing with himself. Potter kindly adds, "And for you, that's tough enough."
Potter then suggests sending the quack back home an anonymous letter. Hawkeye smiles, starting to feel better, and suggests telling him he saw him cheating. When Potter suggests threatening a malpractice suit, Hawkeye laughs, and when he mentions a paternity suit, Hawkeye guffaws, "Doctor, doctor, I can walk!"
In a closing scene usually cut out of syndicated airings, a now-upright Hawkeye wakes up a hungover B.J. the next morning. He chastises B.J. for not getting enough exercise, stating that the cure for a hangover is getting "the blood out of your keister and into your brain," which he promptly demonstrates by standing on his head next to B.J.'s cot. As B.J. tells him to knock it off, Hawkeye eventually falls backwards, feet first, onto the very aggravated B.J.
Research notes/Fun facts[]
- This isn't the only time Hawkeye would let his feelings about his past affect him in the present. In Season 9's "Bless You, Hawkeye," an encounter with a mold-soaked soldier triggers a traumatic childhood memory he had repressed for years, manifesting in constant sneezing and eventually hives. It took a visit from Army psychiatrist Sidney Freedman to figure this out so Hawkeye could confront his demons and heal himself.
Guest stars/Recurring cast[]
Uncredited appearances by:
- Sal Viscuso as the P.A. announcer
- Gwen Farrell as Nurse Baker (dances with B.J. in the O Club; Hawkeye tells her to dip)
- Carmine Scelza as Corpsman Carmine (in Pre Op; Hawkeye tells him to prep the patient B.J. saves)
- Other uncredited background appearances: Roy Goldman, Kellye Nakahara, Dennis Troy