Klinger's get rich quick schemes

In between trying to get out of the army, Klinger also manages to find the time to indulge in various get rich quick schemes. Most of these came to nothing but some were fun while they lasted.

• "Too Many Cooks" (Season 8). When Klinger finds out the one of the patients is Private Paul Conway, former chef of the Cafe Pierre, New York, he turns the mess tent into a fine dining restaurant, complete with tablecloths, fresh baked rolls, a long wait list of reservations and wine lists, and featuring army specials such as "chipped beef wellington" and "spam parmesan". His intention is to set up "Chez Klinger", a four-star restaurant in Toledo at the end of the war, with Conway the chef and Klinger providing the management. The scheme fails when Conway wants to go back to be the cook for his infantry unit.

Klinger of "Chez Klinger" presents his chef to visiting General Haggerty.

• Letters (Season 9). Klinger tries to breed chincillas for sale. This fails when Winchester points out that he had purchased two male chincillas. Klinger gives up and says he intends to put his money into a scheme he understands and so will invest in a training school for pin boys.

• "A War for All Seasons" (Season 9). Klinger takes bets on the National League. Things go well for him at first, but then Winchester gets in on the action and offers betters long odds of 6 to 1 against the Giants. Almost everyone in the camp takes up some bets, Potter even offering $100. With everyone having so much money at stake, the final game of the series is broadcast across the P.A. It seems all but certain that the Dodgers are going to win, except--this is the famous game where Bobby Thompson hit the winning home run for the Giants: "The Shot Heard 'Round the World."[October 17, 1951]

Klinger takes bets on Giants vs Dodgers in the National League. Winchester will shortly get in on the action, much to everyone else's profit.

• "No Sweat" (Season 9). Klinger takes a mail order course in electronics, reasoning that television is the wave of the future "which means busted sets by the millions" and "Max Klinger will be there to reap the whirlwind of outrageous repair prices." We don't know if he continued with the course, but he does succeed in taking apart the P.A. system and putting it back together again.

Klinger takes apart the P.A. system as part of his mail order electronics course.

• Taking the Fifth (Season 9). While accompanying Potter to a Canadian unit to collect medicines, Klinger takes the opportunity to trade some fruit cocktail for 5 bottles of Chateau Margaux 1947. Winchester knows this is a very fine wine and has agreed to pay $40 for each bottle. This fails when the jeep runs out of water on the way back because Klinger has neglected to check the water. Potter uses the wine to fill the radiator.

• "Depressing News" (Season 9). Klinger sets up a camp newspaper, reasoning that the stuff it is printed on grows on trees and people need a new one everyday so there must be gold in it. We don't know how long it goes on for, but at least it shows Klinger's people skills, in manipulating Winchester and Margaret into contributing articles for the paper - the same kind of skills that give him the reputation of being a scrounger.

Klinger, the news editor.

• The Birthday Girls (TV series episode) (Season 10) Klinger sells lottery tickets on the birth of a calf; Major Houlihan wins the prize ($10.00)

Klinger and Margaret celebrate her birthday.

• Who Knew? (TV series episode) (Season 11) Klinger tries to get Winchester to invest in a prototype Hula Hoop and a Frisbee. Klinger's instincts are right for once; unfortunately for Klinger, Winchester refuses to invest in either prototype-he is too much of a snob to understand toys of the future. Fact Checks: the Hula Hoop was first commercially marketed after the Korean War although they had been in use since ancient times.