Letters was the 2nd episode of Season 9 of the CBS-TV series M*A*S*H, also the 200th overall series episode. Written by Dennis Koenig and directed by Charles S. Dubin, it originally aired on November 24, 1980.
Synopsis[]
The staff of the 4077th answer letters from school children from Hawkeye's home town of Crabapple Cove.
Full episode summary[]
After four days of cold, incessant rain, nearly everyone at the 4077th is feeling under the weather. But Klinger is in a very good mood (the weather reminds him of a summer Sunday back home) as he delivers the mail in the Mess Tent. The biggest package in his bag is for Hawkeye, from a teacher friend back home named Amy Clark. After mentioning in a letter to Amy on how bored he and the others can get in camp, Amy decided to have all her fourth-grade students write letters to them, which were included in the package to Hawkeye. Thinking this will alleviate their boredom, Hawkeye distributes a handful to everyone to answer. Hawkeye's only ground rule: answer the letters you get; no stealing, selling, or swapping.
Mulcahy's first letter is a bit of a challenge as a girl named Stacy wants to know if he has saved any lives. Mulcahy comes up blank until Potter reminds him of Irving, an alcoholic dog that Mulcahy decided to try and cure of his drinking after Rosie threw him out of her bar. Mulcahy buys a bottle of whiskey and a bowl and, repeating an experiment he did on another dog in seminary, Mulcahy is going to let Irving drink and drink and drink until he gets sick. The next day, the Father, with others watching, says that Irving should now have, aside from a massive hangover, a strong aversion to alcohol. He sets another bowl of whiskey down on the ground, then puts Irving down in front of it, and the dog quickly runs away yelping as the others applaud. Mulcahy writes to Stacy in conclusion:
"...so, Irving was smart enough to go on the wagon for good, Stacy. If people only had the horse sense dogs do. Yours in Christ, Francis J. Mulcahy."
In the Swamp, Hawkeye and B.J. are going through some more letters as a disinterested Charles listens in. When B.J. gets to one in which a boy expresses his jealousy of the doctors getting to camp out every night and eat real army food, Charles jokingly decides to get in on the letter answering by "writing back" to the student about his misinformation and his atrocious grammar. But then Hawkeye stops at a particular letter:
"Doctor, my brother was a soldier in Korea. He got hurt, but some doctors fixed him up so he could go back and fight some more. Then he got killed. Now I'll never see Keith again. You doctors just make people better so they can end up dead. I hate you all. Signed, Ronnie Hawkins."
The boy's words have struck a raw nerve, especially after Hawkeye points out that they have all sent boys back to the line who have ended up dead. He doesn't know what to say to the boy.
Klinger gets a letter from a boy named Freddy asking about Army pay. He surmises that Freddy's dad probably gives him a bigger allowance, so Klinger is always on the lookout to supplement his income. He expounds on one such attempt, during which he tried to start a chinchilla breeding farm with two just-bought chinchillas until Charles points out that they are both males. Having been burned again, Klinger finishes his letter to Freddy saying that he's going to stick to what he knows; he plans to invest in a training school for pin boys. (This scene is usually cut from syndicated airings.)
Meanwhile, one of Margaret's letters comes from a boy named Jimmy:
"Dear MASHer, I just had my tonsils out, which wasn't so bad because I got to eat a lot of ice cream. Anyway, I became good friends with the doctors and nurses. Do you ever make friends with the patients there?"
Margaret remembers one soldier named Mike who got to talking with her about a piece of land he has his eye on back home, and looking forward to being a farmer once he goes back. Margaret is called away to talk to Hawkeye and B.J., who tell her that Mike's spinal cord is completely severed, his liver is gone, and he only has one to three hours to live. Margaret volunteers to stay with Mike until he dies. She tearfully writes back to Jimmy:
"Dear Jimmy, Yes, I do get very close to the people we treat. In fact, there are some patients that I don't think I'll ever forget..."
Charles has joined in the letter-answering, dictating a letter on his recorder to a boy named Peter that he should dress like a grown-up and have his father's suit altered to his size right away. When asked why he's recording his responses, Charles intends to delegate the typing of the letters to someone on the same intellectual level as the students, namely Klinger.
B.J., meanwhile, answers a letter from a boy named Louis, who wants to know if becoming a doctor requires training. B.J. writes that becoming a doctor takes a great deal of training, but once in a while there is an exception; he recalls an incident during which Charles, at a seminar in Tokyo, is temporarily replaced with a Captain Bainbridge, who turns out to be a lawyer.
Still having a hard time with a response to Ronnie's letter, Hawkeye goes to talk to Father Mulcahy to try and get him to answer it, but Mulcahy declines, first citing Hawkeye's rules, and then saying that the letter has stirred up some deep emotions in Hawkeye, and he is going to have to deal with those emotions whether he answers the letter or not. He then states the problem isn't just what he tells Ronnie, but what he tells himself.
Potter, soaking his feet in his own tent, answers a letter from a boy named Danny asking if they ever get bored there in camp. He responds that Danny would be surprised what little things will scare up interest. He writes about the time he was in the compound exercising with some basketball when Klinger comes up to him. Potter mentions that he has just shot 14 straight free-throws. Klinger says the camp record is 31 and starts telling everyone else about it, but Potter doesn't want all the attention. Nonetheless, by the time he hits his 28th free-throw, nearly the entire camp has gathered around a chagrined Potter cheering him on, but he falls short of the record with 30 and everyone walks away disappointed. He closes his letter to Danny saying if he wants to take up a sport, play horseshoes, where "you don't have to be perfect".
Back in the Swamp, Charles opens a letter from a young girl named Virginia who, writing of fall in Maine, has enclosed an crimson birch leaf with her letter in the hope that whoever gets it likes it. Quietly touched by Virginia's gesture, Charles, a Boston native, remarks to himself, "Autumn in New England." Instead of recording dictation, takes pen in hand and writes his own letter to the girl:
"Dear Virginia, it is with indescribable joy that I accept your gift. It is indeed testimony to the beauty that exists in all creation, but perhaps nowhere more than in a young girl's heart..."
They are interrupted when a Dr. Breuer, who runs a missionary school, brings a young girl to the 4077th after she slipped and hit her head on a rock and fell unconscious. Just as Hawkeye, B.J., and Margaret prepare to operate on her subdural hematoma, the missionary blesses their work; he thanks God for His providence in their being there at the right time. Later in Post Op, as he keeps a close watch on the girl, and as the rain finally ends outside, Hawkeye is finally inspired to write a response to Ronnie:
"Ronnie, it's not a good idea to take the love you had for your brother and turn it into hate. Hate makes war, and war is what killed him. I understand your feelings; sometimes I hate myself for being here, but once in a while in the midst of all this insanity, a very small event can make my being here seem almost bearable. I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you, Ronnie, except to suggest that you look for good wherever you can find it."
Epilogue[]
Some time later, Klinger delivers an entire sack of mail to the Swamp, all letters for Hawkeye. Evidently the letter responses were a huge success as Hawkeye surmises there is probably five hundred letters in the sack, and there are only four hundred people in Crabapple Cove. Potter bursts into the Swamp, joyfully announcing he finally beat the free throw record.
Research notes/Fun facts[]
- This is a fresh variation on the "letter home" narrative format.
- A child asks Father Mulcahy if he ever saved a life, and while his answer is about Irving the dog, he forgot about another time when he literally saved a soldier's life - by operating on him, no less - in Season Five's "Mulcahy's War."
- Three times does Charles show a human side in this episode:
- When Hawkeye reads a letter from an angry child whose brother was killed in the war, Charles reacts the same as Hawkeye and B.J.; with a sense of depression and guilt, as they know what it's like to lose a patient and possibly feel guilty about the effect it would have on their families.
- After receiving a leaf as a gift from one of the kids, rather than being his usual pompous, arrogant self, he puts away his recorder and proceeds to write to the girl (Virginia) to express his thanks.
- At the same time he's writing to Virginia, a missionary doctor walks in and informs the doctors that one of his children need surgery, Charles offers to help with actual care, rather than for ego or than selfishly ignoring it and letting them take care of it. However, Hawkeye and B.J. decline the help.
- Irving the dog bears a striking resemblance to a dog we've seen back in Season 6 - a camp mutt the staff have grown fond of and feed scraps to. When the dog is killed by a Jeep, most of the staff take it in stride, but it brings Margaret to tears ("Images").
Guest stars/recurring cast[]
- Richard Paul as Captain Bill Bainbridge
- Larry Cedar as The Soldier
- Michael Currie as Dr. Breuer
- Eileen Saki as Rosie
- Uncredited appearances: