Mail Call was the 23rd episode of Season 2 of the CBS-TV series M*A*S*H, also the 47th overall series episode. Written by Laurence Marks and Larry Gelbart, and is the first episode of the series to be directed by Alan Alda, it first aired on February 23, 1974.
Synopsis[]
The arrival of a new batch of mail makes Trapper depressed and he wants to desert, despite Hawkeye's efforts to convince him otherwise. Meanwhile, Hawkeye tricks Frank into buying stocks in the fictitious company, Pioneer Aviation.
Full episode summary[]
It's mail call at the 4077th, and Radar is the most popular man in camp, fighting off hordes of personnel looking for their letters from home. Trapper gets a new photo of his two daughters plus a batch of cookies they baked with no help (“I wish someone had,” snorts Hawkeye). Hawkeye receives an oversized sweater from his (still-existing) sister; he models it for Trapper with running commentary, "For the man who has everything: a sweater with a guestroom".
Henry receives a postcard for a Tokyo massage parlor (which fascinates Radar) and a package from his wife Lorraine: check stubs, bank checks, and cancelled checks. Henry was hoping it was a chocolate and sour cream cake. Frank gets a letter from his stockbroker, informing him his investments appreciated $2,000 in the last month and have doubled since the war started.
Frank is excited to share his financial windfall with Margaret, and she starts fantasizing about being his wife - she reminds him that he promised if he were rich enough, he would divorce his wife and marry her. At first he protests, but when she entices him with her new sheer hose and clear plastic heels, he promises to get rich.
Hawkeye thinks it crude for Frank to profit from the war, so to teach him a humility lesson, he plants a fake letter on his bunk he knows Frank will read. The letter is addressed to his father, name-drops a certain Senator Magrid, and is about a stock tip for a company called Pioneer Aviation, a small company with a new government contract that could turn a small investment into millions. Frank takes the bait and has Radar send an urgent cable to his stockbroker to sell off his entire portfolio and purchase all the stock in Pioneer Aviation possible.
Klinger presents a “letter” to Colonel Henry, supposedly from his mother, stating Klinger's father is in a coma, could soon die, and he should come home to Toledo for the funeral. Henry immediately reaches for the “Klinger” folder and reads a laundry list of previous “letters” from home, consisting of different combinations of various family members either dying or being pregnant, culminating in the epic “half the family dying, other half pregnant” letter.
Radar tells Hawkeye about a pen pal named Mary Jo Carpenter in Montana he's traded photos and letters with, but it turns out Radar has told her he is a 6’2″ captain with smooth black hair and is a surgeon fighting in the Korean War. Hawkeye isn't impressed and urges Radar to come clean and be himself in answering Mary Jo's request for his feelings.
Klinger tries a new ploy on the Colonel: now he confesses to being a Communist, but Henry throws him out, remarking he's never hit a woman before.
Frank and Margaret are giddy about Frank's impending stock windfall. She tells Frank he will now be able to afford a wife and an ex-wife and urges Frank to call Louise and ask for a divorce. Frank isn't quite ready; instead, he lays out his plan to make Margaret his "kept woman" in an apartment near his office so he can make lunchtime visits. After hearing Frank's paltry offer of $100/month allowance (she makes $400/month as a Major), she throws him out of her tent, screaming the "Pioneer Aviation" name, something that Frank wanted kept secret.
Hawkeye reads Radar's truthful response to Mary Jo where he delicately reveals his true identity and personality, but then has to contend with a drunken Trapper, who is packed and ready to go AWOL to see his girls. Hawkeye tries to talk sense to him, but gets bum rushed by Trapper's duffel bag for his trouble.
Before Trapper can leave, however, Frank shows up. Trapper lets him know they are aware of Pioneer Aviation, which alarms Frank. Hawkeye bursts Frank's million-dollar bubble by telling him Pioneer Aviation is a fake company and he forged the letter to make Frank look foolish. Frank exclaims he doesn't need their help, as Trapper collapses in laughter on Frank's bunk, while Hawkeye quietly hides Trapper's duffel bag in his foot locker.
In the final scene, the staff is back at it in the O.R. Hawkeye sympathizes over Trapper's hangover, while Frank begs Margaret to forgive him for getting her hopes up. She agrees when he offers to kiss her feet, much to the amusement of the captains.
Research notes/Fun facts[]
- Trapper receives a letter from home which contains a photo of his two daughters. He identifies them as Kathy and Becky.
- In "Period of Adjustment," B.J. has a similar bout of homesickness. He threatens to drink himself out of the Army and return home to his family, and goes so far as to punch Hawkeye (and destroy the still) for trying to reason with him.
- Hawkeye receives a sweater made by his sister. This is the third time in the series he mentions her; she's mentioned a few times in Season 3, but fades out of canon soon after. The sweater, however, does reappear in future episodes.
- The subplot of Radar and his pen pal is sometimes cut from syndicated airings.
- Henry seems surprised (and upset) that his wife sent over her financial info so he could balance her checkbook. He must have forgotten that Lorraine did tell him seven episodes ago (“Henry in Love”) she was going to do that - he even suggested it.
- Anomaly: When Frank reads Hawkeye's fake letter to his father (and subsequently trashes Hawkeye's living space), there's a white robe hanging next to Hawkeye's cot. Hawkeye's robe is notoriously red.
Recurring cast[]
Uncredited:
- Kellye Nakahara as Kellye (in the O.R. in the final scene - Hawkeye addresses her by name, though she has no lines)
- Roy Goldman (seen in the foreground of the first Mess Tent scene with Hawkeye and Radar holding hands with Kellye)