Of Moose and Men was the 84th episode of the CBS-TV series M*A*S*H, and also the 12th episode of the fourth season of the series. Written by Jay Folb, and directed by John Erman, it first aired on November 21, 1975.
Synopsis[]
Hawkeye saves the life of a colonel who wants him reprimanded for disrespect. B.J. tries to save the marriage of a sergeant who found out his wife is cheating on him, and Frank is paranoid that all Koreans are hiding or burying bombs.
Full episode summary[]
On their way back from a Korean village, Hawkeye and Frank's Jeep is stopped at a military police checkpoint, where Hawkeye accidentally splashes one Colonel Spiker with mud, ruining his uniform. As Spiker barks about a lack of military courtesy, Hawkeye informs him of their long surgical duties patching up civilians and speeds off for home.
Back at camp, B.J. comforts Zale, who is crushed after getting a letter from his wife telling him she had an affair. Zale's wife – Hillda (with two L's) – is sorry, and B.J. thinks Zale should give her another chance. Instead, the drunken Zale punches the mess tent stove, breaking his hand.
Hawkeye and Frank return to the 4077th, but now with two wounded, including the terse Colonel Spiker. Spiker, still fuming over Hawkeye's behavior earlier, demands to have his surgery at the 121st Evac Hospital (he doesn't want Hawkeye touching him), but Potter nixes the request. Hawkeye ends up operating on Spiker, for he is badly wounded with shrapnel in his heart muscle. Meanwhile, Frank grouses continually about having to operate on the other patient, a Korean man.
Since Zale's hand is busted, B.J. offers to write a letter or response to Hillda. Zelmo dictates a poison pen missive, but B.J. talks him into a more conciliatory message. As Zale lists all the things he's done for his wife, B.J. gets called away to the hospital.
Meanwhile, a paranoid Frank thinks all the local Koreans are infiltrators out to kill Americans, so along with Radar, he inspects four locals who work around camp. With his usual bluster, he gives the locals a once-over, issues regulations that won't be followed (thanks to Radar), and orders security to be “tight as a drum”. He also ends up buying a lighter from a Korean vendor that looks like a tiny pistol.
Spiker is recovering in post-op, with Hawkeye pulling a bedside vigil to make sure the Colonel's chest tubes are clear and he survives the night. Margaret is so impressed with his skillful work and dedication, she offers her hand and congratulates Hawkeye on his fine work, which he returns - naturally, with sexual innuendo.
Spiker awakens and is mortified to hear it was Hawkeye and not Colonel Potter who operated on him. He tells Potter this “goof-off” needs to be disciplined for his lack of respect, but Potter tears into him, telling Spiker he'd be a dead man if it weren't for the surgical skills of Hawkeye. Spiker calls for Hawkeye, who arrives expecting the typical thanks and gratitude, but is shocked to hear Spiker tell him he's letting him off the hook and won't “lower the boom” on him (but only as a personal favor to Potter, since he respects his fellow Colonel). Hawkeye reacts with exaggerated thank-you's and sarcastically clasps and kisses Spiker's hand.
B.J., who has completed Zale's letter, finds the sergeant in the company of his “moose,” "a Korean girlfriend of the opposite sex," according to Radar. B.J. subtly calls out Zale on his hypocrisy and has him sign the letter.
Frank's paranoia rages on as he surrounds his bunk with sand bags and checks the Swamp for booby traps (including in his toothpaste). However, his suspicions may be confirmed when he sees two locals burying a large container just outside camp limits. Frank rounds up some enlisted men as a makeshift bomb squad and searches out the buried container. Fearing a powerful explosive, the container turns out to be a kimchi pot, one of millions buried all over Korea.
As the episode draws to a close, Hawkeye and B.J. take advantage of Frank's paranoia one last time, blowing up surgical gloves like balloons and popping them in the Swamp while Frank is sleeping, causing him to fire his pistol/lighter in shock, allowing them to label him as the "fastest lighter in the West".
Research notes/Fun facts[]
- Jamie Farr receives billing in this episode, but his character of Klinger does not appear and is not mentioned.
- When Margaret wakes Hawkeye in Post-Op, she mentions that Lt. Snyder was the nurse on duty overnight. The identity of this nurse is unknown.
- Colonel Potter mentions he is 1/4 Cherokee.
- Lois Foraker plays the nurse who tells Hawkeye that Spiker wants to see him (she also thanks Radar for giving her back the baseball earlier). Despite the number of lines she has, the part is not credited.
- When a baseball spooks Major Burns, Radar mentions that he doesn't think the Koreans are into baseball. Actually, it's one of their major national sports, introduced to them in the late 1800s by missionaries.
- Frank has one of the enlisted men use what appears to be a metal detector to find the alleged "bomb". At the time of the Korean War, the Polish mine detector was the only instrument in existence that resembles what's being used here, and even though it was only being used for strictly military purposes, it seems highly unlikely a M*A*S*H unit would have access to one. Besides, the kimchi pot was made of clay (but the enlisted man calls out "fresh earth" instead of a reading on the detector, so this isn't necessarily an anomaly).
- The episode opens with Hawkeye and Frank heading back to the 4077th after taking care of the injured Koreans. They meet Col. Spiker for the first time when Hawkeye accidentally splashes mud on him, then drive off. The next time we see the three of them, Spiker is wounded in the back of the Jeep, and a wounded Korean man is in the front seat. Hawkeye tells Potter, "Grenade fragments. Checkpoint, just down the road." pointing back the way they came. The wounded Korean man can be seen in the earlier scene - Col. Spiker claps him on the shoulder right before waving the surgeons' Jeep forward, and he's standing behind the Colonel as the surgeons drive off. It's possible that the grenade attack happened shortly after this, giving Hawkeye and Frank time to double back and tend to the wounded. It's also possible that this Korean man, being the second-most severely wounded (after the Colonel), was the one who initiated the attack, since none of the soldiers can be seen carrying a grenade. It appears that, for once, Frank was right.
Guests stars/Recurring cast[]
- Johnny Haymer as Sergeant Zelmo Zale
- Tim O'Connor as Colonel Spiker
- Uncredited appearances:
- Todd Susman as the P.A. announcer
- Lois Foraker - in post op
- Jeff Maxwell - by Colonel Spiker's Jeep
- Jennifer Davis - mess tent
- Kellye Nakahara - playing basketball, in the OR, and in post op