The Winchester Tapes was the 128th episode of the CBS-TV series M*A*S*H. The episode, which was the fifth episode of Season 6, was written by Everett Greenbaum and Jim Fritzell and directed by Burt Metcalfe. It originally aired on October 18, 1977.
Storyline[]
In a unique twist on the "letter home" format, Charles tells the story of the 4077th through his eyes in a tape recording to his parents back home.
Full episode summary[]
"Dear Mother and Dad, I've only been here a short while, but it see-e-e-ems forever. MASH 4077th is truly a nightmare. It is either too cold or it is unbearably hot. I needn't tell you again; I won't be happy until I am out of here!"
(Charles, in his recorded letter to his parents)
Temporarily alone in the Swamp, the newly-arrived Major Charles Emerson Winchester III dictates a letter home to his parents, in which he expounds on the deplorable conditions at his new assignment at the 4077th. Klinger (whom Charles describes in his recording as "a transvestite corporal with dreadful taste in clothes") brings in the mail, and Charles mentions to him how his nephew Felix is being discharged due to recurring fainting spells, which inspires Klinger to come up with another ploy to get his Section Eight.
Hawkeye and B.J. arrive and check their mail, and Hawkeye is over the moon when he gets a letter from a Nurse Gilmore stating that she is newly single and has invited Hawkeye to join her in Seoul for the weekend. When Charles reminds him he has Officer of the Day duty all weekend long, Hawkeye begs him to take his place. Charles initially refuses, but after a bout of pathetic begging, he relents saying, "I'm giving in merely because I can use a three-day vacation from you". (In his recording, he refers to Hawkeye as "a would-be Lothario.")
After Hawkeye and B.J. leave the Swamp to talk to Klinger about getting a Jeep for Hawkeye's big date, Charles resumes his letter to his parents; he makes mention of his Swamp mates saying, "constant exposure to these two cretins annoys me and aggravates my misery more than I can tell you", but then adds that there is still a spark of hope, as he is endearing himself to "a tough, bandy-legged little mustang", namely Colonel Potter. Charles agrees to sit for one of his paintings, and subtly tries to suggest Potter transfer him back to Tokyo. After that fails, their discussion devolves into an argument, with Charles flat out demanding to transferred out, but Potter refuses, saying that he needs him at the 4077th, and then adding, "Don't change the color of your face! I'm out of umber!" Finished with his face, Potter hands Charles his portrait: red-faced and argumentative.
As he continues his letter, Charles begs his father to consult with someone influential, and then remarks on how the actual day-to-day routine of a military unit is often dependent on "one small enlisted man", which brings him to what he calls "a myopic farm boy" - Radar. Seeing that Radar carries weight in the unit, he tries to butter him up with a case of Grape Nehi so Radar will patch a call through to Colonel Baldwin in Tokyo for him. But when Radar says he has orders from Potter to not allow Charles on the phone, he furiously takes back the case.
Meanwhile, Hawkeye, frantically getting everything ready for his date in Seoul, notices he has no pajamas to wear, but when the laundry lady comes in with a load of clean clothes, Hawkeye finds a pair of PJ's inside, but when Charles argues that they belong to him, he and Hawkeye engage in a tug-of-war until they tear at the inseam, and Charles gives up. Just then, the PA announces incoming wounded. As B.J. drags an unwilling Hawkeye to the OR, Charles makes another entry in his letter to his parents begging his dad to get him out of there, suggesting he talk to Senator Griswold, adding "you paid good money for him".
He then tells them about the head nurse - Margaret, whom he describes as "part seductress and part Attila the Hun". Immediately after surgery, she can't sing enough praises of Charles, but he either lets them fly over his head or roll off his back. When she supposedly gets something in her eye, she flirtingly asks Charles to check it for her, but his examination quickly comes to a halt when they are interrupted by Father Mulcahy; after he leaves in embarrassment, Margaret says she is convinced he doesn't believe there was no hanky-panky between her and Charles; he confirms there wasn't, but Margaret asks "Then why are you sweating?"
He then talks about Father Mulcahy, acknowledging that he's a spiritual advisor, but then describing him as a "cock-eyed optimist who sounds like Dennis Day". In the shower, Mulcahy tells him the good news that one of his patients will recover, thanking God; when Charles suggests that Mulcahy thank him instead, stating that he feels his own surgical skills are responsible, Mulcahy replies, "That's what I prayed for", before leaving the shower tent, and Charles grumbling to himself.
Charles saves his highest praise (if it can be called that) for his other Swamp mate - B.J. Hunnicutt, whom he describes as "relatively inoffensive" and an excellent surgeon, though he looks down his nose at the fact that B.J. is California-born, raised, and schooled. Charles remarks that he was touched by B.J.'s concern over his sudden weight loss a month ago. What Charles didn't realize was that B.J. was pulling an elaborate practical joke on him, swapping out Charles' pants for a larger size so he would think that he has lost weight. Then, after a month's overeating, B.J. swapped out Charles' pants again for a much smaller size, making Charles think he has gained too much weight. Now concerned, Charles jogs out of the Swamp to exercise, all to the delight of B.J. and Hawkeye; when Hawkeye asks if B.J. has any more pranks planned for Charles, B.J. replies, "Starting tomorrow, he gets taller!"
After another long session in the OR, during which Charles receives grief for taking too long with each patient, Klinger attempts to pull another fake faint, but a tired Potter is not only not fooled, but roars at Klinger that if he tries it again he'll transfer him to the front lines. Hawkeye is again dressed and ready to go to Seoul for his date, but when Klinger arrives with the Jeep, an exhausted Hawkeye falls asleep in his cot. Charles returns moments later and, in a moment of quiet solitude, wraps up his recording. As he does so, he attempts to pour himself a cup of tea. But when nothing comes out, he stops recording long enough to check the tea kettle, only to find a rubber chicken stuffed inside. He then concludes his recording to his mother and dad with a passionate, albeit desperate plea: "Get me the hell out of here!"
Research note/Fun facts[]
- Winchester mentions to Klinger that his nephew Felix was discharged from the Army for experiencing fainting spells. By definition, a nephew is the male child of your blood sibling or your spouse's sibling. As Charles and his only living adult sibling (his sister Honoria) are both single, it's unclear how he could have a nephew.
- The title is taken from a popular movie about tape recordings by law enforcement agencies during a building robbery - The Anderson Tapes.
- We're treated to another one of Radar's impressions - this time of Humphrey Bogart.
- Col. Potter yells at Charles to stop changing the color of his face (as the Major gets angrier) because he's "out of umber." Umber is actually a dark brown color - the face of an angry Caucasian would more likely turn a deep shade of pink.
- When Hawkeye asks Father Mulcahy to keep his would-be date company at the hotel in Seoul, Mulcahy says she'll have to settle for the Gideon Bible. The Gideons International have been leaving Bibles in lodging rooms throughout the world since 1908.
- Twice during his recording, Charles refers to his parents as "Mother and Dad". However, in a future episode ("Sons and Bowlers"), he tells Hawkeye that his father, while "a good man", was actually quite cold and distant, telling him, "Where I have a father, you have a Dad."
Guest stars/Recurring cast[]
- Thomas Carter as Patient McLeod
- Kimiko Hiroshige as Korean Woman
Uncredited appearances by:
- Kellye Nakahara as Kellye (she has a line, calling B.J. back into surgery)
- Sal Viscuso as the P.A. Announcer